Red Like A Bordello

Rumor has it that going sans-undies is an expression of sexual wildness; the fact that there is one less layer of clothing to remove in the heat of the moment seems to be a big turn on to guys.
I have been choosing to go without a lot lately, but honestly I must say it has nothing to do with my being a sexually liberated twenty-something female. I like panties, they are cute and fun and girlie and a cheap adition to the wardrobe that can make you feel a little sassy.
Anyhow, the reason I sometimes choose to save myself the effort of lifting each leg two more times a day (four if you count taking them off again) is because I can't find any that will FIT me....once again the family curse of Italian hips mocks me. Much to my mother's disappointment and multiple efforts of finding the "perfect" style of undies for me, I have decided it is an impossible task. If they fit in the hips, they are super saggy in the crotch. If they fit nicely over all the naughty stuff, they cut into the chub on my sides making rolls I do not have nor do I want.
The other reason is that they hang out of my pants constantly. My roommates have given me countless wedgies as, like raccoons, they are unable to resist grabbing onto shiny objects. My mother cringes every time I sit down. My grandmother has screamed in public places, unable to contain her shock, "Your underwear is showing!"
No shit Grandma.
Now I find out at work they have a poll, called "Color of the Day." The color of the day is whatever color thongs I have on. Great guys, glad I could add a little something to look forward to each morning, another reason to wake up and face the grind.
So if anyone knows of a style of undies (besides granny, while I am not going sans-panties for freaky reasons, I am unwilling to touch the libido crushing power of the granny-panty, it might rub off and become permanent) please advise.