Thursday, July 29, 2004
I am not a crazy feminist....
But lately I have wanted to get some estrogen fueled aggression out on the male race. Because for some reason I seem to have a "please touch me inappropriately, or make me feel uncomfortable with sexual comments, no matter who you are" sign stuck on my back. Or maybe my pheremones just chemically send of this vibe, I do not know.
The latest episode was yesterday, when I was getting my car fixed. The shop I bring my beast to is owned by a client from my old job, he is very nice and we have had a friendly relationship, like when I come in he will have beers to drink and I sit in the shop and talk to him. The last two times I went his employee was there and joined in the conversations. They are both nice, attractive thirty-something guys, and I liked how I was friendly with the people fixing my car; I thought this would prevent them from screwing me over. Yesterday I brought my car in, and the owner was away on vacation. Fine, no big deal, I just needed to get my rust bucket fixed. Next thing you know, he is commenting on my thong (I should have gone sans, read previous post) and asking for a free show.....WTF?, I was thinking, but I kept a smile on my face and said, "Sorry, I am just not that kind of girl." Then I yawned. He says, "I am boring you? Why don't we go for a walk, I can keep you stimulated." Um, now I just felt straight out weird....these comments continued, and I dodged sexual innuendo bombs with the grace of a drunken wino. As I was leaving, he decided it would be a great idea to GRAB MY ASS.....
WTF!!?? And then he backs away from the office where another dude was working and says, "Come here...."
Yeah right dude, you back out of the view of the only other person and I am gonna come towards you? Were we not just discussing your wife? Did your wedding ring not blatantly shine on your finger? I jumped in my car and bolted....fucker, I hate how men can make you feel like you are being chased down by Jason, creepy ski mask included....(see, if you just read that statement I sound like a empowered vagina-monologue-worshipping She-ra who saves her menstrual blood and offers it to mother nature).
To the dude who follows me from the train telling me how he would "eat my pussy so good" and how my "ass is dope"....this is probably not going to convince me to let you try your art of pussy eating on me, go smoke more crack and leave me alone.
To my boss' father who, until I flipped out, continued to kiss me on the lips and call me "his little girlfriend," I am your employee, not your mistress...and I barely tolerate your concession to just kiss me on the cheek now because I need a freakin job and do not wanna have to act more pissy than I did when got I fed up with wiping your spit off my lips.....(shudder, if it had always been the on the cheek kiss I would never have thought twice, but now you have me all paranoid that you are gonna sucker kiss me)
To the asian guy who squeezed my hip/upper thigh as he got up from his seat on the train and then smirked at me in glee....um, I guess I am happy I was part of putting some joy into your life, but really, you fucking gross me out.
To the coworker from my internship that still sometimes calls me from different numbers 3 years later....when we all went out for happy hour I thought I made it clear that I did not want to go to a motel with you, even if I was "tired" I did not want to find a bed to lay down in (I was trying to get out of an awkward situation you dumb wit) and I do not feel bad that since your wife had just had a kid 6 weeks ago you probably were not getting any nook....not my problem! And I am not gonna call you the next time I am home.
To my customers I have only talked to for all of 3 minutes...no, I do not want to date you, I will not feel obligated to go out to lunch with you because you tipped me $5 (so keep your money, even if I was a prostitute I would cost a lot more than that) , nor do I want to invite you out next time I go out with my roommates (so don't bother leaving me your cell number, I am sure the wife you were just talking about would not appreciate that anyhow)....I know I have great sicilian hips, yes, my (pretend) boyfriend appreciates what a package I am.....
I know there are tons of cool dudes out there, and I appreciate them all (really, I love fun crazy boys as much as the next girl...Call me!), but for the rest of you sleeze bags out there, I warn you....next time something happens I will grab your balls and squeeze until you cry before I ask any questions....
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The latest episode was yesterday, when I was getting my car fixed. The shop I bring my beast to is owned by a client from my old job, he is very nice and we have had a friendly relationship, like when I come in he will have beers to drink and I sit in the shop and talk to him. The last two times I went his employee was there and joined in the conversations. They are both nice, attractive thirty-something guys, and I liked how I was friendly with the people fixing my car; I thought this would prevent them from screwing me over. Yesterday I brought my car in, and the owner was away on vacation. Fine, no big deal, I just needed to get my rust bucket fixed. Next thing you know, he is commenting on my thong (I should have gone sans, read previous post) and asking for a free show.....WTF?, I was thinking, but I kept a smile on my face and said, "Sorry, I am just not that kind of girl." Then I yawned. He says, "I am boring you? Why don't we go for a walk, I can keep you stimulated." Um, now I just felt straight out weird....these comments continued, and I dodged sexual innuendo bombs with the grace of a drunken wino. As I was leaving, he decided it would be a great idea to GRAB MY ASS.....
WTF!!?? And then he backs away from the office where another dude was working and says, "Come here...."
Yeah right dude, you back out of the view of the only other person and I am gonna come towards you? Were we not just discussing your wife? Did your wedding ring not blatantly shine on your finger? I jumped in my car and bolted....fucker, I hate how men can make you feel like you are being chased down by Jason, creepy ski mask included....(see, if you just read that statement I sound like a empowered vagina-monologue-worshipping She-ra who saves her menstrual blood and offers it to mother nature).
To the dude who follows me from the train telling me how he would "eat my pussy so good" and how my "ass is dope"....this is probably not going to convince me to let you try your art of pussy eating on me, go smoke more crack and leave me alone.
To my boss' father who, until I flipped out, continued to kiss me on the lips and call me "his little girlfriend," I am your employee, not your mistress...and I barely tolerate your concession to just kiss me on the cheek now because I need a freakin job and do not wanna have to act more pissy than I did when got I fed up with wiping your spit off my lips.....(shudder, if it had always been the on the cheek kiss I would never have thought twice, but now you have me all paranoid that you are gonna sucker kiss me)
To the asian guy who squeezed my hip/upper thigh as he got up from his seat on the train and then smirked at me in glee....um, I guess I am happy I was part of putting some joy into your life, but really, you fucking gross me out.
To the coworker from my internship that still sometimes calls me from different numbers 3 years later....when we all went out for happy hour I thought I made it clear that I did not want to go to a motel with you, even if I was "tired" I did not want to find a bed to lay down in (I was trying to get out of an awkward situation you dumb wit) and I do not feel bad that since your wife had just had a kid 6 weeks ago you probably were not getting any nook....not my problem! And I am not gonna call you the next time I am home.
To my customers I have only talked to for all of 3 minutes...no, I do not want to date you, I will not feel obligated to go out to lunch with you because you tipped me $5 (so keep your money, even if I was a prostitute I would cost a lot more than that) , nor do I want to invite you out next time I go out with my roommates (so don't bother leaving me your cell number, I am sure the wife you were just talking about would not appreciate that anyhow)....I know I have great sicilian hips, yes, my (pretend) boyfriend appreciates what a package I am.....
I know there are tons of cool dudes out there, and I appreciate them all (really, I love fun crazy boys as much as the next girl...Call me!), but for the rest of you sleeze bags out there, I warn you....next time something happens I will grab your balls and squeeze until you cry before I ask any questions....
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